Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
