My underwear smells like fireworks.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
