One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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