I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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