You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
