Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
