Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
