Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
