You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
