The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
