grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
