Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
They took my balls.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
