Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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