I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
