what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
