just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
