just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
