i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
