Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
