i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
