So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
