Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
