hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
