That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
