It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
