at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
