Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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