Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
