So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
