some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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