My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
