in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
