Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
