I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
