Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
