I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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