I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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