Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
