i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
