I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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