But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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