all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
