i would punch a child for taco bell
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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