It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
