Can Purell be used as lube?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
