I look better un-naked...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
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