Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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