I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
