dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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