Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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